THE GREAT TWINKIES PROTEST III
A Congressional hearing was called to look into this travesty of justice. After considering whether they should request the FBI to launch a full investigation about the Great Twinkie Deprivation Scandal (GTDS), it was decided that the department couldn’t be trusted with a matter so grave. A witness, little Donnie Dupanowski from Altoona Pennsylvania, was requested to answer questions in Congress about whether it was true, as the major media were saying, that there were reported suicides, emergency room cases of severe malnutrition, and threats to tie up all transportation roads allowing only Twinkie Twucks to come and go to school rooms and playgrounds. He confirmed the reports after having been promised a backpack full of the now scarce commodity. The House gallery was bursting with third graders watching their Constitutional right protected. The Washington Post, cheering the students’ early exercise of their protest rights as a replacement of the ballot box, reported that there were 918,233 third graders in the National Mall on Tuesday.
I shared a Twinkie with a third grade black student wearing a Black Lives Matter button, who pointed to the white cream as a manifestation of white supremacy. When I informed him of the recent introduction of a chocolate fudge covered Twinkie, he smiled broadly appreciating the company’s efforts to relieve the surviving oppression of slavery still extant after 150 years.
It was reported that one of the high school students who were excused from school for the year in order to protest guns, slapped a third grade Twinkie protester in Billings, Montana. He defended himself stating: “The little blonde third grade girl in pink cowgirl boots over there was carrying a Ruger LCR .38 Special.” She taunted the anti-gun bullies: “You’re the Twinkies.” That one went over the heads of most observers. “And besides, we saw that you twelfth graders embarrassed us in the international academic performance tests – again.” “Well,” the high schooler rejoined, “wait until you have to go to regressive public schools for nine more years and we’ll see how smart you are. Besides, we have been taught to be some of the best protesters in the world. With four more years in elite colleges, we will be able to take on any cause, any time, anywhere. We will always be available. Remember, Bernie says we won’t have to work unless we want to.”